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Author Topic: The joke thread  (Read 44240 times)

Offline O:\msg

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #25 on: June 13, 2012, 04:01:07 PM »
What have the England football team and a 3-pin plug got in common?

They're both fucking useless in Europe.
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Offline dark 5FVD

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #26 on: June 13, 2012, 05:06:07 PM »
3 guys are in a cafe,
one says: I've got the smallest arm in the world!
another says: I've got the smallest head in the world!
last one says: I'm the most musical talented in the world!
The 3 guys go to Guinness World Records.
First one goes first and returns happy: I really have the smallest arm in the world!
Second returns happy too: I really have the smallest head of the world!
The last one returns angry and screams: WHO THE F**K IS HEADHUNTERZ?!
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Offline Mr.PowPow

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #27 on: June 13, 2012, 05:08:02 PM »
Quote from: NekoBlindshoT on June 13, 2012, 05:06:07 PM
3 guys are in a cafe,
one says: I've got the smallest arm in the world!
another says: I've got the smallest head in the world!
last one says: I'm the most musical talented in the world!
The 3 guys go to Guinness World Records.
First one goes first and returns happy: I really have the smallest arm in the world!
Second returns happy too: I really have the smallest head of the world!
The last one returns angry and screams: WHO THE F**K IS HEADHUNTERZ?!
That would have been funnier if the 3rd guy first said "I'm the least musically talented in the world!"
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Offline Kiss x Miz

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #28 on: June 13, 2012, 06:10:11 PM »
Quote from: Mr.PewPew on June 13, 2012, 05:08:02 PM
Quote from: NekoBlindshoT on June 13, 2012, 05:06:07 PM
3 guys are in a cafe,
one says: I've got the smallest arm in the world!
another says: I've got the smallest head in the world!
last one says: I'm the most musical talented in the world!
The 3 guys go to Guinness World Records.
First one goes first and returns happy: I really have the smallest arm in the world!
Second returns happy too: I really have the smallest head of the world!
The last one returns angry and screams: WHO THE F**K IS HEADHUNTERZ?!
That would have been funnier if the 3rd guy first said "I'm the least musically talented in the world!"
Icwhatudidthar ::)
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Offline dark 5FVD

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #29 on: June 13, 2012, 06:13:47 PM »
... yeah sure maybe the second guy should be you pew pew
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Offline Mr.PowPow

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #30 on: June 13, 2012, 06:30:12 PM »
Quote from: NekoBlindshoT on June 13, 2012, 06:13:47 PM
... yeah sure maybe the second guy should be you pew pew
I would agree with you, but the second guy didn't say "I have the biggest penis"~
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Offline O:\msg

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #31 on: June 14, 2012, 01:17:16 PM »
2 glasses of wine a day is clincally proven in women to increase the risk of a stroke. If you let her finish the bottle there's a fair chance of a blowjob
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Offline Kiss x Miz

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #32 on: June 14, 2012, 05:47:26 PM »
Quote from: msg on June 14, 2012, 01:17:16 PM
2 glasses of wine a day is clincally proven in women to increase the risk of a stroke. If you let her finish the bottle there's a fair chance of a blowjob
^-^
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Offline O:\msg

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #33 on: June 18, 2012, 11:21:08 PM »
Our lass had one of those near death experiences earlier........silly fucker thought she could vacuum while the football was on!
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Offline Mr.PowPow

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #34 on: June 18, 2012, 11:25:28 PM »
I was reading the financial times when i saw the headline FANNY MAE COLLAPSE. For a moment i thought Kerry Katona was pregnant again.
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Offline Toffee

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #35 on: June 19, 2012, 02:35:05 AM »
Here's a particularly nasty one:

Q: How do you tell if your sister is on her period?

A: When your dad's dick tastes like blood.
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Offline O:\msg

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #36 on: June 19, 2012, 04:31:44 PM »
The missus said, "Can you explain to me why I've just found a pair of women's underwear in your coat pocket?"

I said, "Yes, It's because you were being a nosey cunt!"
I really don't understand why everyone is excited over the olympic torch, if i wanted to see a flame that captured the hearts of the british I'd set fire to a fucking mosque!
Quote from: Toffee on June 19, 2012, 02:35:05 AM
Here's a particularly nasty one:
I think I can beat that, this one is particularly nasty :D
(click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: June 20, 2012, 12:48:48 PM by msg » »
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Offline O:\msg

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #37 on: June 20, 2012, 08:48:04 PM »
Come on guys, I need more jokes, the sicker the better.

I asked my wife for a little oral relief last night. She asked, "What, you want me to suck you off..?" I said, "No, just shut the fuck up for 5 minutes..."
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Offline Mr.PowPow

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #38 on: June 20, 2012, 08:52:50 PM »
Quote from: msg on June 20, 2012, 08:48:04 PM
Come on guys, I need more jokes, the sicker the better.
M'kay
(click to show/hide)
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Offline O:\msg

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #39 on: June 20, 2012, 08:57:53 PM »
Sicker!
(click to show/hide)
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Offline Mr.PowPow

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #40 on: June 20, 2012, 09:01:26 PM »
Quote from: msg on June 20, 2012, 08:57:53 PM
Sicker!
(click to show/hide)
I think I can top that~
(click to show/hide)
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Offline O:\msg

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #41 on: June 20, 2012, 09:20:23 PM »
hehehe stolen. Keep 'em coming.
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Offline Mr.PowPow

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #42 on: June 20, 2012, 09:23:57 PM »
(click to show/hide)

(click to show/hide)

(click to show/hide)
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Offline O:\msg

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #43 on: June 20, 2012, 09:33:05 PM »
I saw Rolf Harris the other day, I said "Aren't you that guy that did '2 liitle boys' in the 70's?""No", he replied, "that was Gary Glitter."
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Offline O:\msg

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #44 on: June 23, 2012, 03:24:04 PM »
A Jew was up in court for having sex with a cat. The judge let him off. He said it was the first time he heard of a Jew putting anything into a Kitty.
Halfway through my shift at Boots yesterday, a guy came in to pick up some photos of his naked wife.
Naturally, I had a little peek at them as I handed them over. "Would you like the negatives?" I asked. "Yes please," he said sheepishly.
I said, ok then "Your wife's got saggy tits, a fat arse and she should maybe think about givin that fanny of hers a good trim.
« Last Edit: June 23, 2012, 03:25:33 PM by msg » »
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Offline Swagmaster

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #45 on: June 23, 2012, 04:44:08 PM »
(I did not actually do this, it's a joke)

I called KFC hoping a girl would pick up. When a girl did pick up, I asked her how large their breasts are she said 34C
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Offline O:\msg

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #46 on: July 02, 2012, 08:37:40 PM »
This fat girl came up to me in the pub last night and said: "Hi, I'm Anita." I said, "I can fucking see that!"
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Offline Noob

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #47 on: July 25, 2012, 05:05:56 AM »
So a horse walks in to a bar.
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Offline Swagmaster

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #48 on: July 25, 2012, 07:00:25 AM »
<----------------------------------------
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Offline O:\msg

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Re: The joke thread
« Reply #49 on: September 26, 2012, 08:28:49 AM »
As my spunk dribbled down my girlfriend's chin, I looked her in the eyes and said, Do you like that?..............
No, she replied, what the fuck's in this sandwich?
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